What does a man think about after 50 hours of labor on his friday lunch? There are thousands of important issues stampeding through the Earth today which one must at least consider for adoption during those few precious moments of sedentary zombyhood, but perhaps the most pressing is the latest health development from a backwoods Colorado town whose location known only to a few.
According to a peer-reviewed journal run by South Park Health Studios, the latest teen craze of consuming giant things with one’s bum hole isn’t totally unfounded in science. Head researchers say that vomiting out of one’s bum and pooping out of one’s mouth is a far more pleasurable experience than what most people tend nowadays–mouth eating and bum pooping.
The actual text, slightly more straightforward, is, and I quote, “food goes in the mouth, comes out the butt. Food goes in the butt, comes out the mouth. Makes perfect sense.” And yes, it does indeed make perfect sense.
I believe we have our digestive tracts read all wrong, like a monkey reading blueprints that might as well be pastrami and goat cheese. If we had only been eating with our butts when our neanderthal relatives still roamed the earth, perhaps evolution would have been more kind to us.
This has been your monthly Ninja Column Vomit-worthy Highlight.